Last October, we posted the blog, “Spreading the Word About Domestic Violence Awareness Month.” The blog was written to discuss why October is designated as Domestic Violence Awareness Month and to provide basic information about domestic and intimate partner violence. In this post, we’d like to dig a little deeper into not only recognizing domestic and intimate partner violence, but to offer advice to people experiencing violence or other harm in their relationship on how they can safely seek support for themselves and their families when they are ready to.
Domestic and Intimate Partner violence is a subject that needs to be acknowledged every day of every month because it is an issue that affects millions of people each year. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience physical violence by their intimate partner at some point during their lifetimes. About 1 in 3 women and nearly 1 in 6 men experience some form of sexual violence during their lifetimes. Intimate partner violence, sexual violence, and stalking are high, with intimate partner violence occurring in more than 10 million people each year.
Defining Domestic Violence
The U.S. Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) defines domestic violence as “A pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”
The Impact Of Abuse
Psychiatry.org maintains that exposure to a traumatic event such as domestic violence can lead to stress, fear, and isolation, which, if unaddressed, could lead to depression and suicidal thoughts or behavior. They go on to say that survivors of domestic violence may internalize the abuse and blame themselves for their situation or feel anger and resentment toward themselves.
“If someone is experiencing domestic violence, it is very confusing, it is isolating, and it can really cause you to second-guess everything about yourself and your relationship,” says Meredith McKeen, MSW, Vice President of Programs for Northern Virginia Family Service (NVFS). “If there are children witnessing the violence, the harmful impact on them can be very profound, as well.”
According to McKeen, children have far less control over how they keep themselves safe from a domestic violence situation.
“Young children are developmentally primed to think that they are the cause of everything that happens—good or bad,” says McKeen. “When there is violence in the home, children start to think they caused it or that they need to be the one to stop it. The older those children get, the more they may feel responsible for trying to prevent the violence, which puts them in great danger and can cause intense anxiety and detrimental stress reactions.”
Steps To Take
For those who are experiencing domestic violence, a relationship in which one partner is causing harm to another, or a relationship based on power and control, the National Domestic Violence Hotline Website can help you create a personal safety plan to assist you, your children, and even the family pet if the animal is also in danger. The National Hotline can provide information on local organizations and services as well.
It is important to keep in mind that Internet usage can be monitored by abusive partners so it’s critical to either use a computer that they do not have access to or to learn about digital security that will help you clear your browser history after visiting the website. If you are unexpectedly interrupted while on TheHotline.org website, click on the red “X” in the upper-right corner of the page or hit the “ESC” button on your keyboard twice to leave immediately.
While visiting TheHotline.org, one step you can take is to create a personal safety plan. This is a personalized plan to improve your safety in the event that you are experiencing abuse, if you are preparing to leave an abusive situation, or what to do after you leave.
Seeking Help And Support
NVFS offers services that are very specific for people who have experienced domestic violence in the past or who are living with it now.
“Our job is not to advise somebody if they should leave or stay—that is up to every individual person,” says McKeen. “Our job is to provide the support and information people need so they can really make a safe decision for themselves and their children.
Some of the programs available include mental health services, individual services that address some of the symptoms of abuse, safety planning, and helping people stay safe in their situations.
“Domestic violence is incredibly impactful on the person who experiences it, so a lot of our counselors focus on helping people address their symptoms and heal from the traumatic experience,” says McKeen. “We also do a lot of what we call ‘navigation,’ which might be how to navigate the court system if there is a custody battle or protective order, as well as providing support groups so people can meet others and decrease their isolation. We want anyone experiencing violence in their relationship to know that it is not their fault, that they do not deserve to be hurt, and that support is available when they want it”
You Are Not Alone
If you are in an abusive situation and are uncomfortable using a computer when seeking help and you cannot safely access the services provided by NVFS, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for guidance.